Women reveal how losing their virginity has affected their sex lives
There's a school of thought that says how and who you lose your virginity to will not only affect your sex life forever but your future relationships.
Heavy stuff, but quite logical when you think about it.
If losing your virginity is a positive experience, you're more likely to view sex as something that's healthy and enjoyable and lovers as nice people who can be trusted.
The reverse happens if it's a nightmare.
Researchers of a US study of women (Universities of Mississippi and Tennessee) found our first time sexual experience is much more than just a milestone in development. Rather, it appeared to have implications for our sexual being years later.
We might instantly forget most of the routine sex we have later in life but that first, clumsy, five-minute fumble is hard etched into memory and can have extraordinary repercussions.
Even if sex is no longer something we save for our wedding night, it's still a huge changing point in our lives.
It's the initiation ceremony that we think will transform us from gangly schoolgirl to alluring woman, from spotty youth to macho man.
Losing your virginity is still a big deal – for good reason. Expert Tracey Cox, spoke to four anonymous women of varying age and circumstances to find out if their first time sex encounter predicted the sex they had later in life.
.So did they – or didn't they – prove the theory? See their experiences below
First woman-'I was drunk and pressured into it'
'I was 13, drunk and pressured into sex by a guy I met at a party. He tried it on and when I told him no, he said I was the only girl there who was a virgin and everyone had been making fun of me behind my back.
He also told me I wasn't pretty and I should be grateful that he wanted me. He made me feel stupid and ugly and I gave in because he confirmed how I secretly felt about myself.
I don't remember much about the actual physical act because I was too upset emotionally. I felt detached from it.
But I remember after it was over, he left me immediately to go back inside. He told everyone at the party what happened and I left and walked home, crying all the way.'
My love life now:
'I didn't make a good decision back then and I'm still not making good decisions now. I'm 38 and bitterly regret most of my past relationships.
I seem destined to end up with men who hurt and leave me. My self-esteem is still low and I don't trust men.'
Second woman 'I lost my virginity to my now husband'
'I lost my virginity to my husband and we have been together ever since. That was 30 years ago. I was 17 and he was 16.
We were both inexperienced and didn't have a clue what we were doing, so it was uncomfortable and quite painful.
I don't even think I knew women had orgasms, let alone knew how to make it happen for me.
But we fumbled our way through and cuddled up afterwards and practise makes perfect so we got better over time.'
My love life now:
'It's not been plain sailing: we both had affairs quite early into the marriage. Probably because neither of us had ever had another sexual partner and we were curious.
The affairs hurt us both but we stuck together and we make a real effort to keep doing new, interesting things sexually and it's working well.'
Third woman -'My parents caught me red-handed'
'My parents were religious and strict about sex. It was taboo to even talk about it, let alone do it before marriage. This, of course, made me want to do it even more.
They went out one night and I snuck my boyfriend of four months into the house. I was 17.
We had the music up loud (I was convinced my parents wouldn't be back for ages) and we were right in the middle of doing it, when they burst through the door, shouting and going absolutely bonkers.
My dad pulled my boyfriend off me and shoved him out the door, banning him from seeing me. My mother collapsed on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
I told her it wasn't a big deal and all my friends lost their virginity years before but she never forgave me. I felt ashamed and traumatized whenever I thought about sex for years afterwards.'
My love life now:
'My first relationship after that was six years later, when I was 23 and had moved out of home. Even then, I couldn't relax and suffered from vaginismus (painful spasms of the vagina that can prevent penetration).
I ended up seeing a therapist to help me relax during sex and I'm a lot better now (I'm 31) though will never be an adventurous person in bed.
Sex will never be something I'm truly comfortable with.'
Fourth woman-'I made a pact to lose it on the night of my 16th birthday'
'I'd been with my boyfriend for a year and we made a pact we'd lose our virginity on the night of my 16th birthday.
We had a party at our house that had a big garden. My parents were trusting and left us kids to it, so no-one noticed when we snuck down the back of the garden to do the deed.
We'd been looking forward to finally having sex for ages and both of us got very excited during foreplay but we were so nervous and worried we'd get caught, neither of us was remotely turned on.
The pressure was on and it destroyed the mood but we were both too embarrassed to say anything.
We did it but it was weird: there was no passion. It was like we were robots following instructions.
It hurt and was all over in about two minutes. I used to love foreplay but hated intercourse and told my boyfriend I never wanted to have sex again.
I broke it off with him and I didn't have sex again for another year. Happily, my next boyfriend was both patient and experienced and sex with him was really good and has been since.'
Love life now:
'Although I was bitterly disappointed with the physical act of sex, I was the one who broke up the relationship not my boyfriend.
'He behaved decently and my boyfriend after him was kind and gentle and we were together for five years. I think that made a big difference: having a really nice experience after the first one. I'm happily married now and happy with my sex life as well.'
source: Mailonline
